I was not prepared for this. I was not prepared for you to leave,
I thought you would be here today, and Remember we discussed my 100th birthday. I was the one buying Gold Hotpants for the occasion, for all  the people still dancing.

So I have a lifetime to go, and I will always remember you.

I remember telling you about Molly, my beautiful…
Baby and how much I missed her and how badly we had taken her death and her leaving us. The pot with flowers for her that made me smile again.

If I thought my beautiful dogs death was hard, nothing prepared me for this.
We spent a lot of time together, we worked together, we fought too, and we spent time just hanging out and we both supported each other in many different ways. We sent millions of messages and I am sooooo grateful, I have them all saved as memories forever to read and laugh and cry and remember you.

Everyday you were ingrained in what i did, I spoke to you about everything and I do not think there were many days we sent each other less than 20 messages.

Sometimes I think you knew, I think you had a premonition that you would leave this world, You spoke about your funeral and often said you thought you would die young, I always brushed that aside, But I think you felt it coming …. Did you know how it would happen? Maybe. There are so many unanswered questions and things that do not add up and I have to accept that maybe it will always be an unexplained mystery.

You missed out on so much, we planned all the fun you were going to have… :) at the old age home…When all the men died off and what with the stats showing that there were so many women around … Well we thought that things might swing your way….and you might get really really lucky in LOVE!!

We even thought of maybe getting you in ahead of time. (We did laugh about this… as you should always look for positives in getting older and we could find lots!!)
( As your eye sight starts getting bad, then you cannot see those hairs on your chin and you look so much better in the mirror!)

I have to say, when you left I was too upset to think… but I wish I had asked Mandi if I could have kept a small thing as a reminder of you….

YOUR TWEEZER! Hahahah We often laughed about tweezers… and you were very attached to your tweezer…. ( i know nothing about that, I never had a hair grow out of place!!) But it was something I did think about…. :)

I am trying to think of what moments to islolate and remember in this letter but it is the mundane things I miss, I miss messaging you, you driving in the car with me, going to the butcher, your calls….
We actually spent so much time together that there are few things I do that… I don't think of you and a memory doesn't come up.

Every shop I go to, every person I see, every task I do…. You were always doing it with me or arguing with me about it…I think I am the lucky one, the one that has so many memories that you never leave me.

I need to go to the Council in the next few weeks and the thought of doing that without you will be soo hard. There will be tears shed, bazaarly… it was always fun when we went, we always stopped and had lunch at the place at the Theatre...
when we had eventually finished, and we parked at the top of the parking lot with the beautiful views across the harbor, near the high court building. I actually remember you telling me stories of your early twenties while we were looking at the view. Tales of nightclubs, drinking and fun. I wont mention names!!


How many times did we do that trip? And before you went with me, I really didnt like going there at all…. I dreaded it….but with you I really enjoyed the break from the norm… and the Center of Durban, the Government Council Buildings
are not really a place of happy memories…. But as crazy as it sounds…I know you enjoyed it too and ...we did go often. How will I go there again?,

Remembering the day we were sent up  and down in the lift and we were laughing so much and …. they should have started charging us …. For the amount of amusement we had that day going from pillar to post and floor to floor….
Did we visit every floor twice that day? Doubled over with laughter whenever they sent us off again to another person.

I will have to prepare the person who I go with for a very emotional day, and I can imagine them thinking I have lost the plot! :)

So there are still things I have to face and process, but I am getting through it.

Working on Projects we worked on together, coming across notes and messages and getting lost and not being able to carry on… I am used to that now.
It is something that affects me so much because of the amount of time we spent together, and actually, I am glad.  

I did so much with you all the time and everything I planned you were in the plan,
So that stays with me...and I enjoy having the reminders and I feel lucky to have so much of you with me, that belongs to me.

I dont think I actually realized how much I did with you or how much a part of my life you were….till you were gone. The grief has taken me by surprise. I wish that you  had know exactly how much you meant to me, to the people around you and how much I relied on you and loved having you around and doing things with you and how much I miss you.

The good times, the moody times, the crazy times and the fun. I miss it all. Everyday something will come up and I think to myself…
Ahhh, I wish you were here, you would have been delighted... as there were some things I know you delighted and loved doing!

You were so clever, talented, caring and brave, I was soooo lucky to have you in my life and I treasured you, and will always treasure every memory.

I laugh till I cry... when i remember the day you came to me and suggested that you would like to be my PA! You were definitely over qualified for that; And the weeks that followed were comical. I remember you being cross with me and I asked you for something and you putting you nose in the air….

Saying… nope, cannot do it… I am too busy! I remember feeling exasperated and looking at you and saying:” with what?” I never gave you anything to do…..
The memory is a fond one, that makes me laugh at Us!

Needless to say …. We soon gave that up and you went back to things more fitting for your talents and qualifications, but it was a memory I treasure and
I am also soo touched that you wanted to do that role...
:(.... I wish I could have you back!

Then the dreaded Portland Project, how many endless days did we work on that?? We were a team and sometimes we agreed and sometimes we didnt and
We bickered and we really tried so many times and in so many different ways.
I am going to approach it again next week and it is one of the hardest for me to work on, as there is just so much history and memories of you, that I will never ever ever see another face when I hear the topic.

So many documents, so many notes, So much of you.


I came accross “pips” the other day and some comical messages from you to TSM regarding you sprucing up to meet your girlfriend Pippa. You had such fun with that,
You always made us laugh.

I remember being so proud that I was with you and you were representing me, when we went to the rental Tribunal. I was sitting back watching with amusement as you took the stage in the court room. You came into your own and were a joy to watch. …

When Summer came round and December arrived without you, I wished we had gone more often to the Water park, we had such fun there tube racing with the kids.
When I go back there, it will be hard but I will smile and remember you and the fun we had and be thankful for the time I got to spend with you,
even when I am shedding a tear.

Spur is a big problem, I have been back but I am avoiding it at the moment, besides you were the only one who liked to hang out with me there ....and boy do I miss that! We went there so many times and ate the chicken wings so many times….
that we both started to wretch at the thought… so we had to be more adventurous and try out other dishes!

I don't remember what we spoke about there, sometimes I think we just were quiet, but I really loved those many many nights when we toddled off and took the kids for dinner. I always think of you when I see picks of the “first sleepover”. Your face was a picture! The little girls had said to me….”Can we sleep at your house?”
I replied “ Absolutely, if your mom says so”.... Knowing that at 4 and 6 years old, the mom was sure to say NO!

And the mom said no problem, take them both…. Hahahaha…. How we were entertained picturing Peters face when I turned up with 2 extras!!
I think I nearly kidnapped you to have a sleepover that night …… you were laughing when I dropped you off and you said goodbye….. Lots!!

You always amused me because your clothes were always ironed and pressed. Who does that? I have never ironed anything in my life. You were very particular about how you did things and had you special routines and ways, How I miss the small things.

I remember when you were in the shop at the till behind me and a person was trying to photograph my credit card and how you were outraged. I remember how funny you were when we were at the store grabbing some groceries and one of the managers came over, I knew him from my youth, and you were very comical when you imitated him while raging that he was looking at me like I was “a meal”!
Didn’t he know I was married? You were funny.

I remember when you were taking staff to the clinic at 6am and i went with to keep you company and I remember “PUMPKIN FRITTERS”
You made them, we had soooo much batter, and sooo many fritters, that forever I will think of you when I have pumpkin frittars.

I think I have only been to the cinema 2x in 10 years, and both times were with you. We saw Minions with the kids…. And how I dreaded going to kiddies birthdays and you used to go with me all the time. You were always there.

Whenever I was away, you were my anchor, my rock and I loved having you back home looking after my furry loved ones, I felt safe knowing you had my back. ….

One of my all time favorite memories was when we were doing a 21st for my child and I wanted “wild” flowers….So we drove around at dusk and I was the driver of the "get away vehicle", and you would jump out and cut the flowers on verges and jump back in the car, Shouting DRIVE! ... we laughed and had so much fun!!

I loved to watch you in the Kitchen! You were a MAMBA and the queen of all things cooking, baking or anything consumed, a fountain of knowledge, and
I have to thank-you forever to teaching me the tray trick to stop ants from getting to the cakes! They should teach that at school… a life skill!

You were always happiest in the kitchen cooking, telling tales of your father and the food he loved and the dinners you cooked for Mandi,
I think we all knew how special your wedding day was, I think it was one of your best memories, how I wish I had known you then…. as I always could feel the longing of the lost past when you animatedly shared the memory.


I thought, no-one could understand the art that is involved in a “Christmas Trifle”, but after you left us, I met Mandi and….when I mentioned The trifle…. She had the same animated look! She told me it was a tradition in her family and by that i mean “your family”, you really did choose your family wisely, they are such good people like you, and I know you loved them all and thought of them always. I remember you discussing your child, the “daughter” You were so proud of and I saw in your eyes love, longing and pride for the women she became, and I wish you had lived to see her have a child.

So many things should have been different but we have to celebrate what we had, and be grateful for the memories and experiences as they moulded the person that you were. I remember you telling me, in the weeks before you died that you had one love and one soulmate, you told me this when I met you, and many times when we were talking and again in the last weeks before you left this world when discussing Mandi.

Everyone you worked with, knew about  the love of your life, your wedding day and your child and the happiness that it bought you.

And then there was “Mumsy”, your Aunty Coreen and your best cousin, Chantelle.
I listened to many many stories of naughtiness and fun, You always spoke about them and longed for them, when we did our road trips, we never managed to meet up but they were a part of you, your family that you loved unconditionally and this was a love that gave you some stability and identity. They are your kin, your people and I can only imagine the sadness they are feeling since you left this world.


I have to mention Wilma, I heard lots of stories about her, she was someone you treasured, when we were on our road trips, you always planned to go and see her, I wish you had… I never knew how soon you would leave the world…

But maybe for your birthday, the dreaded WHOLE MONTH OF JUNE! I sneaked a peak at the calendar… and 2017 birthday is a saturday, Maybe we go and party up a storm at LIMELITE in the dorp! Having MORSE fun….

( yes, you are not here to scold me for using the word morse, And my disgracing the Afrikaans language :)
Well you better come back to tell me off!!

Your birthday month …. The memory brings so much joy of you, and the way you were, your special ways….The birthday cake baked with love by Helen! We had a wonderful day for you last birthday, and a lovely night at the spa and dinner…..your 45th birthday….The last one…..I wish I had taken a pic. You were so happy that day and that evening, it was sooo relaxing and you smiled the whole day and night.

Well, except when you were glaring at the lady massaging your feet… I think she was scared of you…. I kept smiling apologetically at her to make up for your dagger eyes.

And Caroline, the hairdresser, who was someone sooooo special to you and you spoke about often!

One day I will go and have a haircut to re minis about you. I am sure no one will read this letter but if they do, and they get this far…

I know they must REALLY REALLY love you or they arranged your assassination or something because only a deranged human would still be reading all the stuff I have written in my grief, and so it would most likely be that they were also a very NB person in your life….so I apologize….

And I wont use your usual excuse, that you are crazy… :) I will ask for forgiveness for…. :) I am old and have a bad memory and there is so much in my head as you talked A LOT!


But I do remember, the day you send me a skype message saying you had no internet!! :)     I told you it was working fine, then the next minute… I had no connection and IT told me that: They were restarting because C could not connect…. So I replied… "oh? and did she send you a skype to let you know?"
hahahhahaha.... miss you so much


I miss your stubborn ways and your ever changing moods and I miss how you would melt, and change so quick, If someone was hurt or upset, you would always be there… all differences forgotten instantly, you would be the protector of everyone.


You had a special way with animals and I heard how you had done pro bono work for needy children. You had the kindest heart and the fastest and sharpest tongue, sometimes you were misunderstood, But we knew you, you were a contradiction,  a person who protected us like a Bull Terrior, and yet was  vulnerable,
And warm hearted and kind with a soft heart that was always willing to go out of her way to help.

When you peeled away the layers, you were a beautiful soul and you only let very few people in, And we were lucky to count you as ours.

There is so much we shared. I count myself lucky and blessed to have been your colleague and friend. There are so many more memories, i will save for another day.

Missed and Gone to soon, loved and treasured beyond measure.

The Boss